Spoiler Alert: The One Where I Ruin the Season

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No, it's not that close to the start of the season. No, training camps haven't even started yet. And yes, there still are two impact free agents out there who have the potential to play spoiler to even the best preseason analysis--jerks.

But it doesn't matter. Here at Straight Outta Vancouver I am committed to providing you with plenty of near-baseless conjecture every week, so my preview, aptly named "Spoiler Alert: The One Where I Ruin the Season" because I intend to perfectly predict every single team's record and season. You heard it over the jump first.

To keep everyone nice and interested I'll be alternating between Eastern and Western Conference. So without further ado, here is the schedule of upcoming team predictions:

  1. Boston CelticsRondo and health are the stories here; I give the 'Old Three' a respectable 55-27 record.
  2. Dallas MavericksMavericks solid, but need a big move to be championship quality and win over 48.
  3. New Jersey NetsHow awful can you be in the East? I think about 26 wins is the baseline.
  4. Houston RocketsA revitalized T-Mac leads the Morey boys to respectability and a .500 record.
  5. New York KnicksInstead of building on their success, the Knicks stand pat. They remain a 30 win team.
  6. New Orleans HornetsChris Paul is MVP whether recognized or not, leads Hornets back to 51 wins.
  7. Philadelphia 76ersDeep respect for this young squad. Thaddeus Young is Most Improved and wins 42.
  8. San Antonio SpursThis team could be a champion, but won't kill the regular season -- a solid 51 wins.
  9. Toronto RaptorsThe Raptors are better, but not improved enough to get over their weird roster or .500.
  10. Denver NuggetsThe Nuggets lost some and gained some, but didn't add enough to repeat 54 wins.
  11. Chicago Bulls
  12. Minnesota Timberwolves
  13. Cleveland Cavaliers
  14. Portland Trail Blazers
  15. Detroit Pistons
  16. Oklahoma City Thunder
  17. Indiana Pacers
  18. Utah Jazz
  19. Milwaukee Bucks
  20. Golden State Warriors
  21. Atlanta Hawks
  22. Los Angeles Clippers
  23. Charlotte Bobcats
  24. Los Angeles Lakers
  25. Miami Heat
  26. Phoenix Suns
  27. Orlando Magic
  28. Sacramento Kings
  29. Washington Wizards
  30. Memphis Grizzlies (You know I had to tease you, right?) 

You can expect a nice little wrap-up for each team that includes projections for their key players, the odds that they might make a big move, playoff aspirations, and even a nice little fantasy basketball wrap-up of the players on each team that might be steals, superstars, or major busts.

Get ready Celtics fans, looks like somebody's team is in the hot-seat tonight.

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