(Editor's note: We have no photos of Jaric or his wife in the database, therefore I went with a Griz Girl hottie.)
Marko Jaric got the girl, the money, and one of the best jobs in the world. Yes, he seems to have figured out this little thing called life. Imagine getting to play in one of the nicest arenas in the world, shooting some fun, cutesy warmup shots, sitting on the bench watching your gorgeous wife Adriana Lima in the stands rather than focusing on the game, and making near six figures every night you do that. That was Jaric's life when he was a Memphis Grizzly.
Make no mistake, there will be no case made here for Jaric to return to the Grizzlies for "basketball reasons." Rather, I mandate his return simply because I can do the things he does as an NBA player. I mean, just watch this video.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Jaric shoves his face with food. I can shove my face with food. Jaric gives fashion advice. I can definitely give fashion advice. Jaric debates who the current MVP of the NBA is. I can debate who the MVP of the NBA is no problem. Where can I sign up?
In all seriousness, how easy would it be for the average joe to do what Jaric did while he was on the Grizzlies? Now, I know he is a very talented basketball player or he would never have made it to the NBA. But, we aren't talking about what got him to the NBA. We are talking about what he did in his tenure with the Grizzlies. Was there anybody in the world with a better life than him from 2008-2009? He had a Victoria's Secret model (his wife) coming to his games to watch him SIT ON THE BENCH! Literally all he had to do every night was show up. He made $7.5 million during the 2008-2009 season to just come to practice and games.
Is there a more absent-minded job out there than "guy that is a roster filler and sits on the end of the bench for an NBA team?" Imagine Jaric at the end of the Grizzlies bench in the present day.
"Hope coach doesn't ask me to go in tonight. Lunch isn't setting well."
"I wish this game would hurry up and end so I could go home and play the new Grand Theft Auto."
"Hahah that guy just got denied on the kiss cam."
"I need to trim my nails. Adriana was supposed to remind me to do that."
"I wish Coach Joerger realized I'm the Yugoslavian Jordan."
Between all those thoughts and singing Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus in his head, Jaric makes living the NBA dream seem so much more attainable. We can do it guys. Marko has paved the way for us. So get out there and practice eating whatever you can find, sitting on a padded chair, and rebounding for far superior basketball players, and you too can be like Marko. Oh, and maybe practice making this face.
No, Jaric does not fit on this current roster in any way. He couldn't even be the ball boy. However, he would undoubtedly have a contract paying him an ungodly amount of money that would send the Grizzlies tumbling over the luxury tax threshold, but none of that matters to me. I want to live vicariously through Jaric again no matter the price. When he is in the NBA, I am too. We are kindred spirits Marko and I. I fear the NBA version of me will never grace the sidelines again. Do the right thing Grizzlies, and bring him back. Make it happen.