Grizzly Bear Blues Grind Prophecies: Resolutions based on Revolutions AKA The Relativity of New Years

Matt Roberts

It's the beginning of new year on the Gregorian calendar. Aside from changing the date from '13 to '14, this occasion gives many people a spark of energy to change things about their lives. People buy gym memberships, start diets and try to stop bad habits while starting better ones. People eat black-eyed peas and greens for good luck, but before they do that they binge drink and blow stuff up all night.

All that just to recognize that it's been 365 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes and 1.20 seconds since our blue ellipses has revolved around the sun?

I tend to believe that nowadays the celebration is centered more around the idea of "new beginnings" than it is the "phenomenon" of cosmic gravity that perplexed our ancestors (science has a way ruining some of the fun, don't it?). Gone are the days of wondering how the sun got back into the same spot in the sky. The focus nowadays is much more firmly places on ourselves. We humans like to have cut off points- punctuation, if you will. It allows us to indulge ourselves and then act as if a universal "reset" button has been pushed on January 1st.

Maybe it's the gregarious nature of our species that has us all trying to molt our skin at the same time every revolution, but the truth is that you can celebrate a New Year whenever you'd like to. Your new beginnings don't have to align with the month of January. In fact, you may save yourself a lot of hassle and trouble by moving your New Year to sometime in May or June (the bars won't be nearly as crowded on June 30th).

But while I'm rearranging holidays, who says it needs to be a yearly (365 days, 5 hours, 49 minutes and 1.20 seconds) event? Odds are that a lot of us would fulfill more of our resolutions if we re-triggered them every 2 months rather than once a year. Who the hell wants to start running 5 miles a day in the dead of Winter? (Okay, I know you're out there... and bless you... but you're weird). I find it incredibly odd that most of the world tries to reinvent themselves about 2 weeks after everything around them has died and/or turned dormant.

That being said, it would be very timely and inspiring for the Memphis Grizzlies to resolve themselves tonight in Phoenix. Some resolutions the Griz should adopt:

  • No more sub-20-point quarters
  • No more leaving the bench rotation in 3 minutes too long
  • No more Tony Allen 3pt attempts (he made 1/10 in the month of December)
  • More James Johnson (with a PER of 23.8 ... BOOM!)
  • More 3pt attempts from the handful of players that can hit them
  • Dave Joerger switching to sweatsuits from the Grizzlies Den

Post your own resolutions (along with your Grind Prophecies predictions) in the comments!

Hey speaking of fresh starts, we have a new Grind Prophecies Champion in Fajotni who racked up a whopping 41 points in the month of December! But none of that matters now as everyone's slate is wiped clean. The January Grind Prophecies start tonight!

  1. Game Score and Winner (correct predictions receive 3 points, if no correct predictions, 1 point awarded to member(s) with closest differential)
  2. The Grindmaster (3 points awarded to correct predictions; if Grindmaster title is split between 2 or more players, 2 points go to each member who predicted one of those players)
  3. How many minutes will Tayshaun Prince play in the second half? (3 points awarded to correct predictions; 1 point awarded to the member(s) closest without going over)
  4. True or False: As a team, the Grizzlies will attempt at least twelve 3-point-shots. (3 points awarded to correct predictions; 0 points awarded to incorrect answers)

Grind Prophecies 2013-14 January Rules

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