Memphis Grizzlies Season Ending Exit Interviews (Fake)

Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

Here's what we're imagining behind the scenes at FedexForum this week as Dave Joerger closes out the season with exit interview for the roster.

Zach Randolph

Dave Joerger:  Zach, you've done a great job carrying the team this year.

Zach: Thanks coach.

Joerger: Zach can you turn around? This isn't a practice, I'm just trying to talk to you.

Zach: Huh? Sorry Coach, sometimes I just post up without even noticing it.

Joerger: Really? Even with your family?

Zach: Yeah, during Easter I knocked my son into my wife's china hutch.

Joerger: Was he okay?

Zach: Yeah, they're kind of used to it. My wife was really mad though. That's the 4th set of dishes I've broken. She usually has them protected away from me.

Joerger: How does she do that?

Zach: She places them up 5 feet from the ground, I can't jump that high to get em.

Joerger: Oh Zach.

Zach: I gotta go Coach, I'm getting hungry.

Joerger: One more thing, Zach. You know any places I could get a good suit?

Marc Gasol

Joerger: Marc, Marc please stop crying. It's okay....C'mon buddy, you did an...okay job in the playoffs....I really don't think they're going to trade you....Don't pay attention to those reporters and bloggers that said you should be more aggressive...Hey! At least you had a better season then your brother!

Tony Allen

Joerger: TA you had an outstanding series against the Thunder. And you're offense was really uh, hey Tony, can you stop roughing me up?

Tony Allen: Sorry Coach.

Joerger: Tony, where are you going? Why are you taking a three point shot? We're in my office, the hoop is like 100 feet away.

Allen: Had the open shot coach.

Joerger: Tony, please sit down.

Allen: All heart. Grit. Grind.

Joerger: That's right Tony, now in the off-season we'd really like you to work on your offensive skill set. Gotta make those better decisions. Tony, please don't try and make a lay up, that's just my trash can.

Allen: All heart. Grit. Grind.

Joerger: Okay Tony, good chat. Hey, you know where I can get a suit?

Mike Miller

Joerger: Mike, you really shined this year. I can't believe you were able to play as much as you could. That was really something. Uh, Mike, can you come a little closer?

Mike Miller: (yelling) LONG RANGE SPECIALIST, COACH.

Joerger: Yeah, I get that's your thing, Mike, but

Miller: CAN'T HEAR YOU COACH. LONG RANGE.

Joerger: Mike, c'mon, please come closer. You know my voice gets all scratchy.

Miller: GOTTA WRAP IT UP COACH, TONY'S GONNA GIVE ME SOME SHOOTING POINTERS.

Joerger: Oh Mike, please don't do that. Okay, fine, you can go. One more thing, you know where I can get a good suit?

Miller: NOPE, BUT I GOT SOME UNDERWEAR IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

Tayshaun Prince

Joerger: Well, Tay...That's quite the contract you got there....So, you're still not on Twitter?....Well, good talk!

James Johnson

Joerger: JJ you really came in and gave us a spark when we were pretty low. We really needed your spirit and energy. What are your plans for the offseason?

James Johnson: Well coach, I know we talked about making better offensive decisions and increase my shooting, but I just got this mission this summer to infiltrate a crime gang in South Asia by the military. If we can get into the gang and get enough information, we can pass on the whereabouts of the corrupt military leader to our military contact so the hostages will not be killed and our military contact would be set up as the cause of their deaths.

Joerger: James, that sounds like the plot of the Street Fighter movie.

Johnson: I don't think so coach.

Joerger: What's the name of the corrupt military leader?

Johnson: Something like an Ox, but different.

Joerger: Bison?

Johnson: Yeah! That's it!

Joerger: James that's a movie based on a video game.

Johnson: Don't think so coach, anyways, I gotta get more karate training in. Tony wants me to teach him how to kick people in the face better.

Beno Udrih

Joerger: Beno, I know you came late on a trade, but we really loved having you on our squad. You brought a lot of positivity to our team.

Beno Udrih: Positive thinking evokes more energy, more initiative and more happiness!

Joerger: See, that's the kind of thing I'm talking about.

Beno: When have we not been the underdog? This is where we are at our best!

Joerger: That's true Beno, not a lot of people had faith in us but-

Beno: Believe Memphis in ur dreams tonight & 2morrow we will turn it into reality with GNG

Joerger: Wait, how am I seeing numbers instead of letters?

Beno: It is a perfect time to think positive and stay positive! Have a good night everbody..will talk to 2 u 2morrow!

Joerger: Beno, please don't leave, I don't think I should be seeing numbers instead of letters. I might need to go to the doctor.

Jamaal Franklin

Franklin: Hey coach, ready for our exit interview?

Joerger: I'm sorry, have we met?

Franklin: Coach it's me, Jamaal Franklin, rookie shooting guard out of San Diego State? I was drafted in the 2nd round!

Joerger: Did we even have a draft pick last year? That doesn't sound right. I'm sorry kid, uh, why don't you take this clipboard and go sit next to that Leuer kid.

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