clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Christmas Gifts for the Memphis Grizzlies

New, comments

Making the list and checking it twice.


My Grizzmas List:

Coach Dave Joerger:

A new wardrobe. Look it's not easy dressing like an NBA coach. A lot of these guys are tall and lean and basically any suit can look good on them. Dave Joerger is stocky and it often seems like his suits are a thread away from bursting. However, those color choices are leaning towards "Regional Wrestling Promoter/Manager" levels of ugly. We all have an inner Jimmy Valentine, Dave, but it's best to ignore it. Fans appreciate the willingness to rock the Grizzlie blue color on his suits, but just go with a classic black. It's slimming; it goes with everything and may even confuse fans in the nosebleed section that they're actually watching Lionel Hollins.

Zach Randolph:

A retroactive no trade clause. It's looking grim out there and Zbo doesn't want to go, the fans don't want him to go, but management knows he is really the only liquid asset they have to entice any kind of trade. Hopefully everyone can hang on until Marc Gasol returns.

A lifetime supply of headbands. Don't neva change.

Tony Allen:

An extra foul to give for the rest of the year. The Grindfather defends hard and refs are quick to blow an easy foul on him, also because of his competitive good nature, Allen will take it in stride and not complain too much. For this, he needs an extra foul to give for the rest of the year. The Grizz could use a break.

Also, with that extra foul he could make more COUGHmistakesCOUGH like the one against Chris Paul earlier this year that resulted in his suspension. Yesterday we learned that Tony Allen is auctioning off that shoe for charity to provide presents for underprivileged kids this Christmas.

In related news, Chris Paul offered to donate one of his flops to charity this year.

Kosta Koufos:

Have you seen Kosta's girlfriend? No present necessary for you, young man.

Mike Miller:

A bottle of mustard oil for hair growth. I was shocked to see MM clip his locks, and like any good conspiracy theory, I think we can somehow connect his haircut to the recent downfall of play. So bring back Samson! Plus the current look is a little too clean. It looks like the Grizzlies drafted an 8th grader and its 2001 again.

Marc Gasol, Quincy Pondexter, Mike Conley, Tayshaun Prince:

And you get a new set of legs! And you get a new set of legs! And you get a new set of legs! And you get a new set of legs!

Nick Calathes:

A razor. Much as Mike Millers power remains in his hair, Calathes power needs to be restored by getting rid of that beard. I grow facial hair at an alarming rate, therefore, I can recognize my Brother in Beard and when it starts to get up towards your eyes, you have to clean it up. I suggest going back to the early 00's when Memphis had a certain point guard named White Chocolate and shave it all. The defense might be blinded by the lights bouncing off your bald dome.

Jon Leuer:

A tattoo. The Tackle Box represents maybe my all-time favorite player attributes: A big that can defend, rebound and also shoot threes like he's 100 pounds less. But what he's lacking is an intimidation factor. He's got one of those eternal baby face and a friendly Midwestern demeanor, but he could really use some stank on his face. A tattoo will provide that pretty quickly. Ask Mike Miller to take you!

Jerryd Bayless:

A trade. Sorry JB.