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Body fat clauses from Beyond.

USA TODAY Sports Images

Lionel's ghost is back, with his weekly haunting,

I'll try to translate, though the task is daunting.

"Body fat clauses, on contracts of rookies?"

Ghost Lionel chuckles, while eating some cookies.


"Rolls on the court, they aren't allowed?

then why is it, quaint Memphis, of Z-bo, you're so proud?

In a city of BBQ, beer, and seats filled with cellulite,

It seems a tall task to not grow as big as a satellite.


Though Zbo can play, on the boards he does pommel,

maintaining arms fatter than Rosie O'Donnell.

Marc Gasol has baby fat too, and though he is tall and handsome,

his jumpshot gets more airtime than Channel 3's Richard Ransom.


Silly Memphis, veins clogged with ribs and pulled pork,

Your team is now run by a computer dork.

I wonder how many tickets you'd sell,

if those tickets had body fat clauses as well.


So keep praying for Vince Carter game winners,

and stuffing your gullets with fried chicken dinners.

I'll be in Brooklyn, at Barclays with the Nets.

but I'll always be trolling, on that you can bet.