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50 reasons the Grizzlies lost by 50

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The Warriors beat the Grizzlies by 50 last night, and I can think of 50 reasons why.

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

1. The Warriors are very, very good.


3. The Grizzlies, at this moment in the space-time continuum, do not appear to be very, very good.

4. Steph Curry is our Lord and Savior.

5. Matt Barnes proved incapable of blocking all Warriors shots.

6. Zach Randolph might be as old as his number suggests.

7. Being as old as Randolph's number suggests and losing by that same integer are both bad in their own ways.

8. Andrew Bogut was hurt, which afforded Festus Ezeli the chance to rip off the Oracle Arena rims.

9. Jordan Adams has been tied up in a shack deep in the woods of Cairo, New York, by an insomniatic Dave Joerger, which is a plot point from The Leftovers, which is only slightly easier to watch than was Grizzlies vs. Warriors.

10. Steph Curry is secretly a wicked, dangerous man who makes humans tremble with a slight bend of the knees and a flick of the wrist.

11. Every time the ball was entered to Marc Gasol, the entire Warrior defense pounced on him like a stray acorn in the middle of a scurry of squirrels.

12. When the Grizzlies play the Warriors, who play like someone running full speed down a hill, Memphis plays like the website you accidentally clicked titled "The 35 Hottest Katy Perry GIFs That Exist".

13. And it was ordained that in the Year of our Lord 2015, Steph Curry would have a PER of...50.50.

14. Klay Thompson: also good!

15. Courtney Lee shot as if the Oracle Arena backboards had whispered something hurtful and insensitive into his ears immediately before tipoff.

16. The Grizzlies shot 27% from the field.

17. Mike Conley looked sad. Could someone maybe have just hugged him? Would a hug have helped? Let's run it back and see if maybe a little pregame sidehug would've gotten him going.

18. Draymond Green had 11 points, 9 boards, 8 assists, 3 blocks, shot 3-4 from three, and danced around like a large, drunk man on his birthday.

19. Courtney Lee ascended the +/- mountaintop and threw himself headlong into the void: his -44 was the second-worst for a player who played less than 25 minutes in the last fifteen years (hat tip to Kevin Lipe for that one).

20. Steph Curry knows how to do things with the basketball that make it go into the hoop and make everyone else real sad.

21. That time in the third quarter when Dave Joerger could have called his 40-point sideline-out-of-bounds play but didn't.

22. The Warriors' second-leading scorer was Belmont graduate Ian Clark, who scored 15 in just twelve minutes.

23. The Grizzlies shot 3-23 from three-point range, which is good if you're not very good at shooting three-pointers.

24. Vince Carter's body has been filled with Quikrete.

25. The Warriors did that thing where they don't guard Tony Allen, which works.

26. The Warriors outscored the Grizzlies 72-27 in the second and third quarters.

27. Luke Walton, the son of Bill, is the (interim) head coach of the Warriors. Luke has inherited Bill's exuberance, zest for living, and passion for basketball, Beethoven, and the Beatles. Luke has passed this fervent yearning for life and hoops on to his Warrior players. Bill Walton is the reason the Warriors won by 50.

28. Russ Smith was surfing on Linda Mar Beach and arrived to the arena in full wetsuit, and as such was only available to play the last six minutes of the game.

29. The Grizzlies should have dispatched a bench player to fight somebody when the lead was about 25. It's healthy and important to fight people when you feel disrespected.

30. StEpHeN cuRrY

31. Jeff Green's numerous forays into the paint resembled the carriage of a wayward horse, prancing willy-nilly into the lane. Jeff Green would make a great horse, but on this night, he did not make a great basketball player.

32. Tony Allen, to my knowledge, did not once holler "FIRST TEAM ALL-DEFENSE!" He should know that he has to do that.

33. The Warriors are bullies who now own the schoolyard and to be honest it isn't fair.

34. In the 2009 NBA Draft, the Grizzlies picked Hasheem Thabeet second ahead of okay sorry nevermind you got it you got it.

35. Zach Randolph appears to have misplaced his you-better-not-fucking-knock-my-headband-off mojo.

36. The Warriors blocked thirteen shots. 13! I could play a brisk game of 36 with my seven year-old neighbor Zach and not block thirteen shots.

37. The Warriors thought 50 was a nice, even number.

38. The Grizzlies didn't do any of those fun lob-to-the-rim Brandan Wright alley-oops that wouldn't have changed the outcome whatsoever but would have been fun at least.

39. Beno Udrih's hair, while racing in as a low-key subplot to the season, did not affect the final margin of the contest.

40. Wardell Stephen "Steph" Curry II (born March 14, 1988) is an American professional basketball player who currently plays for the Golden State Warriors of the National Basketball Association (NBA).

41. (something negative about Tony Allen as an offensive player that God made me take out)

42. This man is an inspirational wizard the likes of which the Association has never seen.

43. All the people in the building last night were yelling and screaming which would probably be pretty discombobulating if you really think about it.

44. Robert Pera did not suit up for the game.

45. **UPDATE/Leftovers SPOILER**: Jordan Adams is among the departed. Goodbye, Jordan.

46. 119-69 = 50.

47. Steph Curry does that thing where he slaps his chest and points to God, which seems to work.

48. Vin Diesel was apparently in the crowd, which as we all can imagine would be very inspiring.

49. The Grizzlies were thrown off by Daylight Savings Time plus the time change on the west coast and maybe they were all actually asleep.

50. The Warriors are better than the Grizzlies.