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Marc Gasol is untradeable, essential to quantum stability of Memphis

We all know it. But I enjoy typing it.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

There are some things in life that go beyond taboo and into the realm of insulting to the fabric of the universe. A few of these known possibilities include turkey bacon, most of what Russell Westbrook wears, and trading Marc Gasol away from the Memphis Grizzlies.

Big Spain makes an appearance on Bill Simmons' list of players for 2015 NBA Trade Value. If you've been reading or listening to anything with Simmons involved this season then you know that he's waving a Memphis Grizzlies banner these days. He's so high on the Grizzlies that he has them as favorites to reach the NBA Finals (a lá The Chris Vernon Show), and he also thinks enough of the franchise to say that Marc Gasol won't be leaving Memphis this summer.

13. Marc Gasol

Bumped from the top 10 only because of their impending free agencies. In Gasol's case, his "freedom" doesn't matter - he went to high school in Memphis, he has only played for the Grizzlies, he loves the city and he'd be crazy to ditch a contender for a what-if. Let's stop wasting print/airwaves/Internet bandwidth even mentioning it. That includes you, Knicks fans - you guys are like those drunken unmarried floozies on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who hit on married guys and convince themselves that "I know we only talked for three minutes at a cocktail party, but I think he's ready to leave his wife!" Just stop it. Have some dignity, for god's sake. You're not getting the NBA's best center. You'll see Jalen Rose give up a plate of lobster tempura before you see Marc Gasol stabbing Memphis in the back to sign up for that gawd-awful Knicks situation.

Marc leaving via free agency would be damaging enough to the foundation of modern physics, but trading Marc Gasol and expecting the Grizzlies to function as a basketball team would be like removing my spinal cord and expecting me to replicate Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" video. It's just not happening -- just like how Bill describes the possibility of Marc leaving Memphis -- it's not happening.