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Report Card: Grizzlies vs. Celtics, in the Grunge

The Grizzlies played the Boston Celtics on 311 day and lost. Here is how everyone did.

I was at a youth conference this weekend, and I was speaking to a group of college student. Besides being loads of fun and a great experience, at one point I realized I have CDs older than most of the people in that room.

In the spirit of 311 day, and in the spirit that the 311 S/T album (the blue one) turns 20 years old this year, the theme for this report card is albums I actually owned over 20 years ago. So if you are Down and aren’t All Mixed Up, here is the Sweet and Random grades from the Grizzlies 95-92 loss against the Boston Celtics.

Grizzlies Report Card

Coach Dave Joeger

Grade: Alanis Morissette Jagged Little Pill

I like my Coach Joeger like I like my Alanis: angry.  HCDJ spent most of the game fuming on the sidelines, and spent most of the post game complaining about the effort in this one.  And he was right...the effort stunk.  The team really needs to take a look at when Jeff Green and Courtney Lee are on the floor at the same time, because the offense is really not good when they are on the wings.

Kudos for playing some of the other Green when the team needed a shot in the arm.

Boo to not putting him back in after a five minute stretch of five points and four rebounds.

And boo to putting Mike Conley back in.  I know this is a players league...but how important was this one anyway.  I didn't seem like anyone besides Mike and Tony Allen cared about giving any effort anyway.  I believe its past time to #sitConley.

Oh...and #startNickyBuckets

As far as Alanis goes...has any person vanished as quickly as she has?  She makes this great album, gets naked for a video, plays God in Dogma, and disappears.

Here's to hoping that Hassan Whiteside is the Alanis Morissette of the NBA.


Mike Conley: | 34 mins | 20 PTS | 9-12 FGS| 3 AST | 1 REBS | 2 STLS |-5

Grade: The Smashing Pumpkins Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness

Like Billy Corgan's opus in 1995, this was a masterpiece by Mike Conley.  When the starters were terrible early (the other four starters were a combined 4-17 in the first half), Mike kept the pressure on the Celtics and their young back court.

Then the ankle roll.  Ouch...

Conley would tape an aspirin to his ankle while Grizzlies fans got their MDs specializing in ankle sprains.  He then scored 8 points in the 4th on one leg.  Just an awe inspiring performance from one of the more underrated players in the NBA

Oh...and I love the Pumpkins and this joke

Courtney Lee: | 27 mins | 7 PTS | 2-10 FGS| 2 AST | 5 REBS | 2 STLS | -3

Jeff Green: | 32 mins | 11 PTS | 4-13 FGS| 1 AST | 3 REBS | 1 STLS | -8

Grade: Alice in Chains S/T

I like this album...but the cover of the three legged dog  is apropos of the performance by Lee and the first Green

Zach Randolph: | 34 mins | 14 PTS | 4-9 FGS| 5 AST | 8 REBS | +8

Grade: Radiohead The Bends

Radiohead is the best.

ZBo gave a strong performance tonight even though he was surrounded by bouncier athletic tall dudes, of which he usually struggles.

Blame it on a Black Star.

Marc Gasol: | 34 mins | 9 PTS | 4-9 FGS| 4 AST | 7 REBS | 1 STLS | 1 BLKS | 0

Grade: Oasis What's the Story (Morning Glory)?

The discussion about Marc Gasol and being more aggressive is related to the discussion in general with Oasis.  There are plenty of people who say the fate of the Grizzlies relies on Marc being less passive on offense and more dominant on defense.  So games like tonight fall on his shoulders.  Just like those said that Oasis should stop copying the Beatles and do their own thing.  Instead, what is actually happening is each put together their own tour de force: with Oasis making the last great rock record and Marc being the most dominant player in Grizzlies history.

Now...why he took zero shots in the 4th quarter?  That may be something else totally different.


Tony Allen: | 27 mins | 16 PTS | 7-9 FGS| 2 AST | 5 REBS | 2 STLS | 2 BLKS | +3

Grade: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony E. Eternal 1999

TA played tonight like it was the first of the month  Sixteen points...lots of treats...very few tricks.  His steal and dish to ZBo was down right perfection

This block on Jonas Jerebko was out of sight...and this dunk was the highlight of the night

Vince Carter: | 10 mins | 2 PTS | 1-3 FGS| 1 AST | 1 REBS | -2

Grade: Van Halen Balance

Hear me out...

Vince Carter came out of college and was able to dunk like very few before him.

Eddie Van Halen was a guitar virtuoso like none other before him.

Vince Carter had a career as a less athletic second banana in Orlando and Dallas.

Eddie Van Halen had the Van Hagar years.

Now...Balance was kind of the last hurrah for Van Halen.  It would be the last Sammy Hagar album, and there are flashes  of the old brilliance scattered throughout the work.  Following this, Gary Charone would join as the lead singer, and make an album that is literally "unlistenable."

So where are we with Vince Carter.  He is back from injury.  We started to see flashes of what the Grizzlies need Vince to be in the Chicago game.  Then tonight it looked like he could not move laterally.  His defense consisted of slamming into his man until they eventually blew right past him.

So which is it?  Are we getting Balance or Van Halen III Vince Carter?

Nick Calathes: | 11 mins | 0 PTS | 0-3 FGS| 2 AST | +1

Grade: Soul Asylum Let Your Dim Light Shine

Tough night for Sticky Nicky as he only got 15 minutes of playing time.  Zero steals tonight to.  It is interesting that Udrih got most of the back up point guard minutes and the Calathes is losing time to both Beno and VC.  Something interesting going forward, but it appears that the dim light the Grizzlies may have had in retaining Nicky Buckets may be disappearing.

Beno Udrih: | 15 mins | 5 PTS | 2-5 FGS| 2 STLS | +4

Kosta Koufus: | 14 mins | 4 PTS | 2-2 FGS| 4 REBS | -3

Grade: 311 S/T (the blue one)

Bland night for both guys.  I re-listened to this 311 album for the first time in years and found it to be just as bland as their performances.   However, still the best rap/metal (I guess) album from Nebraska I have ever heard.

JaMychel Green: | 5 mins | 5 PTS | 2-3 FGS| 4 REBS | -6

Grade: No Doubt Tragic Kingdom

I don't really have much to say about the other Green's performance, but I did want to share a story from my lovely spouse.

The MRS: Who is that guy with the hair?

Me: Kelly Olynick

The MRS: Is he Irish?

Me: I don't think its O'Lynick

The MRS: Huh...but they are the Celtics aren't they?

Me: Yes they are...and they had the greatest Irish basketball player of all time...Shaquille O'Neal.

Jon Leuer: DNP-CD

Jordan Adams: DNP-CD

All in all a tough night for the Bears of Beale Street.  At least they don't have a back to back after playing this ba...

Oh really??

See you tonight!