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Report Card: Memphis Grizzlies vs. Golden State Warriors

Some kind of report card for the Grizzlies' loss to the Warriors.

Grizzlies Report Card

Grizzlies 84- Warriors 107

Coach Dave Joerger:

Grade: That old guy in the Cadillac who is going 20 mph and has had his blinker on for 15 minutes.

Yeah you know who I'm talking about right now. These guys like to show up when you're on one lane roads and you can't get around him. They aren't going to adjust for anybody. They do what they want, how they want, and when they want. You gotta admire that even if it's so annoying. It doesn't matter if you lay on the horn or speed around them. When you look in your rearview mirror they are still going 20 miles per hour clutching the steering wheel for dear life.

Coach Joerger stuck to his guns as the Warriors raced past him last night. The Grizzlies continued doubling off pick and rolls which gave the Warriors bigs way too much room to do things. The guards kept going under screens set for Stephen Curry (he's a pretty good three point shooter so that's a bad idea) or losing Klay Thompson (also pretty good at the long shots) around the 1900 screens the Warriors set for him. I saw it happening in the first half and the Grizzlies were luckily only down 5. I expected some sort of adjustment, but there was none. Coach Joerger only played defensive wonder Nick Calathes when absolutely necessary. Hopefully, Coach Joerger will learn from this and not be body snatched by Lionel Hollins again.


Mike Conley: 32 MINS | 16 PTS | 7-13 FGS | 5 ASTS | -26

Grade: My beaten up iPhone 5

There are times when my iPhone works perfectly. It's the machine that Apple promised me. But after I've dropped it 534,597,859 times (NO SCREEN CRACKS!!!) it likes to do some crazy things. It will just go to the black and white apple startup screen randomly. My favorite is when it freezes and I can't do anything for 10 minutes. What kills me is that when I really need my phone to work, it will without a doubt fail me. Everytime. No matter what. "Oh I really need to make this phone call" *phone shuts down*. "I'm really invested in this Twitter conversation" *Twitter crashes and won't pull back up*. I can't wait to Tiger Woods drive this phone across the street when I get that giant one that I can't fit in my pocket.

Mike Conley started the game against the Warriors by going toe-to-toe with Curry. He was hitting stepback jumpers and floaters in the lane. It was awesome to see. Then he disappeared while the Grizzlies were getting beaten like a drum in the third quarter. I don't know if he has it in him to put four good quarters together right now. Then the Grizzlies cut the lead to 14 and Conley came back in. I WAS SO EXCITED. Then Mike Conley missed two wide open threes and Curry ripped the Grizzlies' throat out and took it as his trophy.

Courtney Lee: 22 MINS | 4 PTS | 1-6 FGS | 1 REB | -16

Grade: Kidney stones

I'm a pretty clumsy guy that played sports as a child so I have broken a bunch of bones. So I thought "aww kidney stone. This is going to be nothing. They're so overrated." No. No. No. Nothing in your life prepares you for a kidney stone. It was like someone had stabbed me and the only thing I could do about it was throw up and roll around on the ground.

I'd rather have a kidney stone right now than watch Courtney Lee play basketball in the manner he is currently playing basketball. Nothing has prepared me for this. I wouldn't even call it regression because we all know CLee is better than this. He missed three straight layups last night. Two were very bad ideas and were blocked immediately. I couldn't even believe he took them. There's nothing to do about this slump he's in. We just have to sit back and hope it passes quickly.

Tony Allen: 19 MINS | 4 PTS | 2-4 FGS | 4 REBS | -11

Grade: When my computer shuts down for no reason while I'm in the middle of writing or watching a movie.

WHY DOES IT SHUT DOWN? NOBODY KNOWS. IT HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN. This is how the Rise of the Machines starts. You're sitting in your room watching "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" and BOOM your self aware laptop lasers you in the face.

Tony had to be shut down due to a quad strain after fighting over a rebound. It was a blow to say the least. His energy on defense is impossible to match. Without a doubt, the Grizzlies needed him on Klay Thompson and Curry if they were going to make a comeback.

Zach Randolph: 27 MINS | 10 PTS | 4-10 FGS | 3 REBS | -23

Grade: Your political opinion

No, I don't care about it and I usually am confused as to why you are telling me about it. If someone is talking politics, I'm tuning out 100% of the time unless there's a chance I can say something that enrages them to the point of tears. If I am listening there's always something that worries me. I always hear something that makes me wonder how you are allowed to vote. ALWAYS.

I'm not panicked about the way the Grizzlies have been playing lately. But I am worried about how other teams are game planning around ZBo. He's really struggled lately when being doubled in the post. That happened again against the Warriors. The Warriors ignored Tony Allen, Courtney Lee, and Jeff Green on the perimeter so they could swarm Gasol and ZBo in the post. Draymond Green took it to ZBo on both ends, which was a stark departure from the last game they had against each other. I don't know if it was how the Grizzlies were guarding the pick and roll that messed ZBo up, but he was out of it on both ends.

Marc Gasol: 29 MINS | 13 PTS | 4-10 FGS | 5 REBS | -27

Grade: iTunes

When iTunes is working perfectly it's beautiful and awesome. That's like 4% of the time I use it, though. The rest is just glitchy and it likes to crash. I really love it when it deletes all of my music for no reason. That's always so much fun. I'm now one year iTunes free (besides the occasional phone backup) and I think I'm a better person for it. If it weren't for the wonderful people at Spotify and YouTube I'd be crazy by now.

Marc Gasol crashed like iTunes last night. He was just not himself. Not once did I see him and think he was right. He's hesitant to shoot and looks slow on defense. It's so frustrating to watch because nobody knows if this is who Marc Gasol is or if he's the guy who was dropping 20 points per game earlier in the season. I'm going to pull an Andrew Ford on you and say to find the middle ground. Marc needs rest and hopefully we'll see the real Marc soon.


Jeff Green: 32 MINS | 16 PTS | 7-12 FGS | 8 REBS | -16

Grade: Lil Wayne

I used to love Lil Wayne. I thought he was great and then he went into a spiral that I will write about fully one day when I'm emotionally ready. He's only good if he's featured in a song in small bursts. You never want Lil Wayne on his own any more. He's just not as good, which is really a shame. I can't think about this any more it's making me sad.

Much like you never want Jeff Green to be your best and most consistent offensive player. He can't carry the offense on his own, but man did he try. He's better when he's not in this position. All the things he was doing on offense took away from his defense which was....I'm going to go with not good because anything else would sound mean. He got eaten up when he played the four without Koufos next to him and even some with Koufos out there. He looked a little lost with all the ball movement the Warriors threw at the Grizzlies. It was pretty awesome so I can't blame you, Jeff.

Vince Carter: 23 MINS | 2 PTS| 1-4 FGS | 6 REBS | +9

Grade: Vanity License Plates

I generally think vanity plates are the worst. I don't think they are necessary and usually not funny. Then occasionally you will have one that works for some reason. It will crack me up and make driving behind that awful person kind of fun.

Vince Carter was awful on offense against the Warriors, but it worked for some reason. The Warriors were respecting him more than any other Grizzliy wing. His defense was great and he was rebounding well. If he had shot the ball remotely well we may be talking differently right now.

Kosta Koufos: 15 MINS | 9 PTS | 4-6 FGS | 5 REBS | +8

Grade: Regular Starburst packaging

Let me get something straight, I LOVE Starbursts. If I could only eat Starbursts all day and not feel like I brushed my teeth with sugar I would totally do it. But we can all agree the standard Starburst packaging is insufficient. First off, we have to get rid of the yellows so that knocks your total back. Then if you're like me, you're going to drop and ruin at least one. That knocks the total back even more. I need a Walgreens sack full of these things not some piddly 9 or 10 flavored gummy squares.

Much like Starbursts, Kosta was fantastic, but there just wasn't enough of him. He was the best Memphis had on defense and it wasn't even close. He actually led a comeback in the fourth quarter before Stephen Curry dropped a bomb on that idea. Instead of posting up he was getting the ball going towards the basket and actually scoring. I think the Grizzlies had a better chance of coming back with K Squared and Marc in rather than the usual ZBo/Marc combo, but that's not what we got.

Nick Calathes: 12 MINS | 2 PTS | 1-2 FGS| 2 REBS | -3

Grade: Burning my mouth when eating pizza

"Oh yea I'm about to destroy this pizza. OH MY GOD THE ROOM OF MY MOUTH WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. SOMEONE TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL." Happens almost every time I eat pizza. I still enjoy the pizza after I eat it, but it's just not the same.

NICK CALATHES SHOULD HAVE PLAYED MORE MINUTES THAN BENO UDRIH AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE. He came in and immediately made a difference, but it wasn't the same. He should have been playing all along. The best the Grizzlies looked was with Calathes and Koufos in, but they weren't able to sustain it.

Beno Udrih: 19 MIN | 4 PTS | 2-7 FGS | 2 ASTS | +2

Grade: Sushi

On the surface sushi sounds great. No. It's just not. Fish that looks pretty with a bunch of spices and stuff on it. Sounds good when I describe it. But it tastes like what I think licking the ocean floor tastes like.

The only reason Beno isn't a - in the +/- section is because he played in the lineup that came back. He was not good at all, but on the surface it looks like he played ok. He looked hesitant to shoot and confused by the Warriors defense the whole game.

Jordan Adams: 3 MINS

Grade: Not Eligible

JaMychal Green: 3 MINS

Grade: Not Eligible

Jon Leuer: 3 MINS

Grade: Not Eligible