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The Fast 7 Report Card: Memphis Grizzlies vs. New Orleans Pelicans

The Grizzlies played like a team so I graded them as the best team I have ever seen.

Grizzlies Report Card

Grizzlies 110 - Pelicans 74

SPOILERS INCOMING

NO, SERIOUSLY SPOILERS INCOMING! IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN AND WANT TO SEE FAST7 TURN BACK.

Coach Dave Joerger:

Grade: Mia (Jordana Brewster)

Mia spends the whole movie in the Dominic Republic only occasionally popping up to keep Brian sane over the phone. I guess she also takes care of their child while in the DR, which is good.

Coach Joerger didn't need to do much, but manage minutes and keep his players from physically harming a certain Pelican with a serious attitude problem. He also had a great zinger about that same Pelican before the game started.

Starters

Mike Conley: 33 MINS | 10 PTS | 4-9 FGS | 4 ASTS | +21

Grade: Tej (Ludacris)

Let me get this out of my system now: LUUUUUUUUUDAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Tej is the techy guy of the group. Every group has to have one if they are going to make it in the big times. Tej is smart, level headed and an awesome driver. He can do anything you want him to do to a car. I wasn't expecitng Tej to start fighting in this one, but he took one bad guy out in like 5 seconds. It was awesome.

Much like Tej, Mike Conley was able to keep it cool and play smart against a New Orleans squad that is a matchup problem for the Grizzlies in every way. He was running the offense well and hit his two open threes. He got a little nasty like Tej and had a nice drive to the basket, but we haven't seen that consistently from him lately.

Courtney Lee: 27 MINS | 8 PTS | 3-9 FGS | 2 REBS | +14

Grade: Letty (Michelle Rodriguez)

Letty had to spend a portion of Fast7 fighting her battle with amnesia and "finding herself". I really don't understand how amnesia works, but wandering the country with no recollection of what's happening seems like a bad idea to me. But whatever. Letty is "Mrs. Alpha" as she is called in the movie and this makes her so much like Dom. She goes balls to the wall and can drive.

Courtney Lee has been sorting out his own problems and most definitely wishes he had amnesia so he couldn't remember the last month or two. It looks like he may finally be shaking the rust off from behind the three point line after hitting two. CLee also dunked on a fast break for the first time in a Grizzlies uniform. The shooting guard was relentless on both ends of the floor for a while.

Jeff Green: 33 MINS | 15 PTS | 7-11 FGS | 4 REBS | +27

Grade: Roman (Tyrese Gibson)

Roman is a joker. He's always scared of the next task, but when he finally talks himself into it, usually with the help of Tej, he goes all in. I would make the argument that he's the third best driver in the group. Even if he does get lost and scared a lot. To be fair to Roman, I don't know how pumped I would be if my car was getting dropped out of a plane. Roman is there to make everything funnier while adding to the action.

Jeff Green is here to make the Grizzlies in areas where they were weak like Roman did in The Fast and Furious. He statue of libertied the Pelis in the face in transition and was attacking the basket with reckless abandon. It was insanely fun to watch. His off-ball defense wasn't great, but the Pelis were missing some easy shots pretty badly so alls well that ends well.

Zach Randolph: 30 MINS | 15 PTS | 6-13 FGS | 13 REBS | 6 ASTS | +0

Grade: Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel)

Dominic Toretto is the leader of the Fast7 gang. He is usually the one coming up with the plans and Dom is all about muscle cars and his family, which he will protect no matter what. Guns play a major part in this F&F, but Dom doesn't play around with any guns that aren't attached to his shoulders. It's all about that street fighting with pieces of your broken down car.

Much like Toretto, ZBo is a street fighter at heart. He already told us once how he's pretty good with his hands, but then he had to remind everyone one more time after the loss to Washington to "just throw it to the hand". He was his usual physical self against the Pelicans and it set the tone for everyone else. They weren't playing around and you can tell. He went and fought for every rebound like it was his last one. It was nice to see ZBo light the fire under the Grizzlies.

Marc Gasol: 29 MINS | 15 PTS | 6-12 FGS | 8 REBS | 6 ASTS | +26

Grade: Brian O'Connor (Paul Walker)

"NO I'M NOT CRYING IT'S JUST REALLY DUSTY IN THIS REPORT CARD"

Brian O'Connor is highly skilled in hand to hand combat and a finesse driver. He can bang and bruise with the best of them when he needs to, but he'd rather show off his skill. He puts the "Fast" in the Fast and the Furious. He's second to Dom Toretto, who he's best friends with, and shares his beliefs regarding family. I think his commitment to having the absolute worst car out of the bunch is admirable. He needs speed and finesse so that's what he gets.

Marc was fantastic against the Pelicans. He was switching from his finesse offense to his brutally physical offense very fluidly in this one. It all depended on who was guarding him. His defense was awesome against a Pelicans team that usually dominates the Grizzlies inside. He was all over the place and looked like a Defensive Player of the Year award nominee in his 29 minutes. ZBo and Marc were out to set a tone. Marc was screaming and flexing all over the place. He finally woke up after a short hiatus.

Bench

Beno Udrih: 19 MINS | 14 PTS | 5-8 FGS | 2 ASTS | +18

Grade: Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel)

Ramsey is a great contributor to the team, but she's kind of one dimensional. She's great with computers and created the biggest piece of privacy invasion technology ever seen, but she can't fight and seems a little skittish when being Fast and Furious in an automobile.

Beno was doing his thing inside the three point line as usual. He his three shots in the paint and two midrange jumpers. He missed the one three pointer he took. The Grizzlies were so good on defense that his not so good defense didn't really come into play. Just like the other team members being such talented drivers never put Ramsey in a position where she had to drive.

Kosta Koufos: 15 MINS | 9 PTS | 4-9 FGS | 11 REBS | +19

Grade: Hobbs (Dwayne "THE ROCK" Johnson)

We only got to see Hobbs for a little bit in Fast7, but when he was there he was amazing. Delivering witty lines and kicking some serious ass. HE CARRIED A CHAIN GUN AND FIRED IT AT A HELICOPTER AFTER DRIVING AN AMBULANCE OFF AN OVERPASS TO TAKE OUT A DRONE. BAD. ASS. I needed more Hobbs, but I loved what I got.

Kosta was great in limited minutes against the Pelicans. He was getting put-backs and playing great defense. The Grizzlies initial run to push the lead out of reach was with Kosta in the game. The best part of Kosta's 15 minutes wasn't his 9 points. It was his 11 rebounds against a good rebounding Pelicans front line. I can always go for more Kosta, but this game was so out of reach more Koufos wasn't even necessary.

Vince Carter: 18 MINS | 10 PTS| 4-7 FGS | 5 REBS | +25

Grade: Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell)

Mr. Nobody is my favorite "kind of minor, but actually really important" Fast and Furious character. He is there to help fix problems that aren't actually fixable by any normal human being. When tested Mr. Nobody pulls the gats out AND TAKES CARE OF BUSINESS. That is before he gets hurt and has to be carried away.

Vince is put into the game to fix one specific problem, and that is floor spacing. He did just that agains the Pelicans by hitting two threes and looking healthy on the offensive end. It looks like opponents have figured out if you run him around some screens you can scramble the Grizzlies' defense. It looks like he's wearing ankle weights while dragging a 150 pound boulder behind him sometimes. Through all of that he was still able to show his impressive athleticism once this game with a nice up and under that took some incredible touch to complete.

Nick Calathes: 9 MINS | 1 PTS | 1-2 FTS| 5 ASTS | +6

Grade: Not Eligible

Jordan Adams: 7 MIN | 3 PTS | 1-2 FGS | 1 AST | +1

Grade: Not Eligible

JaMychal Green: 5 MIN | 2 PTS | 1-2 FGS | 2 REBS | +2

Grade: Not Eligible

Jon Leuer: 8 MIN | 4 PTS | 2-4 FGS | 1 REB | +2

Grade: Not Eligible

Jarnell Stokes: 6 MIN | 4 PTS | 2-2 FGS | 3 REBS | +1

Grade: Not Eligible