Despite the fact that the Grizzlies have won five consecutive games, I continue to be convinced they will lose.
After they lost to the Bucks, I figured they would lose to the Jazz. I could not have been more positive that they would lose to the Clippers in LA. I talked myself in to Dallas being a trap game. No way they’d beat Minnesota on the second night of a back-to-back. You seriously thought they’d beat the Hornets in Charlotte?
And yet, here they are with the schedule delivering unto Grizzdom the Sixers, the Heat, and then the Heat again the next three contests. Theoretically, and you’d have to say the odds are decent that the win streak should reach eight before another match-up against the Hornets at FedExForum next Monday evening.
So I guess where I’m at right now is a place of hopeful skepticism. Skepticism gets a bad wrap. It gets a negative connotation for being dour or negative, but that’s not right in this case, at least. It means just staying alert and ready for all possible outcomes.
I am ready if the Grizzlies mellow back out to an above .500 team. I am ready if they are beset by injuries again, like the 11th plague, and tank out of contention. I am ready if they continue acting as world beaters, defensively suffocating teams while chugging along efficiently at their own pace.
But I’m confused, because I don’t know what this team’s floor or ceiling is. I tend to think their ceiling is how they are playing at this very moment, but then I recall that Chandler Parsons and Brandan Wright have not been playing and they’ve been relying on unreliable players to survive when Mike Conley and Marc Gasol sit on the bench. And as mentioned, I think their floor could be tank city.
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know what to think of this team except that I’m hopeful the way they’re playing now will reflect how they’ll play at the end of the season. With that uncertainty in mind, here are some ways the Grizzlies could finish the season, and the likelihood of the hypothetical actually occurring.
Grizzlies lose +/- 0 more games, cruise to the NBA championship
I feel pretty uncertain about this one. 2/10, mostly because *KEY WORD ALERT* injuries. But if they stay healthy I like this prediction 6/10. My inner Grizz fan says this is easily an 8/10 or higher, but I’m trying to be reasonable and not let my biases get the better of me.
Mike Conley wins MVP even though he misses out on the All-Star Game again
7/10. Also, Z-Bo for 6th Man of the Year is basically a lock. I’m 1,000/10 sure of that one. Also also, they will name the First Team All Defense selections after Tony Allen one day. Bank on that 20,000/10.
Speaking of Conley winning things...
Upon leading the Grizz to a championship and winning the MVP, Mike Conley will usurp the presidency peacefully, naming Grizzlies to his cabinet.
Mike’s gonna walk into Trump’s office and say, “Hi Mr. President. Do you like your job?” Trump will say, “No.” Then Mike will ask, “May I have your job?” Then Trump will say, “Did you say your name was Mike? As in my Vice President?” at which point Conley will say, “Yes sir, I am Mike Pence, your Vice President” and pull out his Indiana voter’s registration. Trump will give him a distrustful look-over and say, “I never intended to do any of the work anyway. The responsibility always rested on your shoulders. I thought you knew that” then walk out of the White House announcing that he’ll be working on a memoir about the secrets of the presidency at which time the FBI and CIA will jointly usher him away from the public eye and try to convince him not to write a memoir which he will write anyway to much fanfare but bad reviews.
Probability: 5/10—I’m on the fence about this one, mostly because I think Mike Pence doesn’t go down without a fight.
Tony Allen - Secretary of Defense 50/10 will happen
Zach Randolph - Secretary of the Interior 100/10 will happen
Marc Gasol - Vice President - 9/10
Chandler Parsons - Secretary of State 10/10. Rush god Parsons is perfect for this job.
Coach Fizdale - Chief of Staff 7/10
Wade Baldwin IV - Press Secretary 40/10. This seems like such a rookie position. Mike would never make a veteran do this job.
Vince Carter - Secretary of the Treasury 8/10. Keep getting dem checks, Vince.
Surgeon General - Brandan Wright 1000/10
The Grizzlies will become the first professional basketball team to land on the Moon.
1/10. I just don’t think the technology is there yet to allow basketball players to go to space. Football players, sure. Soccer players... haven’t we sent like a few dozen of them already? But basketball players? We’re just not there yet as a society. I mean, how could you fit a whole basketball court onto a spaceship and also implement gravity so that they could play by the rules. And I don’t mean the rules of basketball—I mean the rules of Earth-bound creatures.
The point is, if they couldn’t do it in Space Jam then they can’t do it now.
The Grizzlies will unlock the marvel of unassisted human flight
5/10. Total toss up. They’ll be working against Zach LaVine and his crack team of anti-graviticians, so there’s really no way of knowing who will do it first. The Grizz could pull D.J. Stephens back into the mix as a ringer, though its too early in process to make unsubstantiated claims like that.
The Grizzlies will go back in time, erasing the five losses they’ve already accrued this season, becoming the first team to win every game in a season as well as the first team to retroactively add wins to a season total
I feel good about this one. 8/10 because if the Cubs really did win the World Series this year, then that means we’re so far in the future that the next major breakthrough will either be flying cars or time travel. I’m going with time travel.