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Report Card: Memphis Grizzlies vs. New Orleans Pelicans

Grading out the individual performances in the Grizzlies' patchwork 121-114 overtime win over the Pellies.

*Rubs eyes* did we really manage to win that game? I guess the fightin' spirit of Wrestling Night rubbed off on Born Ready, Barnes & Crew.

This team is basically held together by duct tape at this point, but damnit -- it's working. I think this quote from ESPN's Justin Verrier is revealing:

Weber

B

Briante Weber: 40 min, 10 p, 7 a, 5 r, 1 s, 1 b, -4

Who? Precisely. This is legitimately his picture on the NBA website. Poor guy couldn't be more anonymous.

Plus, he didn't look bad! And with Mike Conley now out for a month or more, we'll take "not bad."

Allen

B-

Tony Allen: 37 min, 8 p, 4 r, 4 s, 1 a, +10

I think TA may have found his offensive spirit animal in the form of Lance Stephenson. I love them on the court together -- not so much for the basketball but the entertainment value. Their antics alone are worth the price of admission.

Barnes

A+

Matt Barnes: 44 min, 26 p, 11 r, 10 a, 2 s, +3

A career-first triple double from a guy who just turned 36. Impressive, sir. I love the toughness he brings -- it's like he was born to be a Grizzly. Shame that he had to spend all those years in Clipper purgatory.

JaGreen

A-

JaMychal Green: 38 min, 21 p, 10 r, 1 a, 1 s, 1 b, +19

In JaMychal We Trust. Dude is really, really good at basketball. How did no one recognize this before he was in his late 20s?

HOT TAKE ALERT: he's playing kind of like a poor man's Draymond Green...

Hot take gif

Hollins

C-

Ryan Hollins: 13 min, 4 p, 2 r, 3 b, -9

Can we give Hollins a nickname that fully conveys the mediocrity of his game? Ryan "Meh" Hollins? Ryan "Blah" Hollins? Ryan "More Forgettable Than... Wait, What Were We Talking About" Hollins?

And outside of line-up symmetry, what's the point of him starting? Who are we kidding?

Stephenson

A+

Lance Stephenson: 38 min, 33 p, 7 r, 4 a, 2 s, 1 b, +17

POINT LANCE! LANCE A MAKE YA DANCE! BORN EFFIN' READY!

Hairston

C

P.J. Hairston: 24 min, 8 p, 4 r, 1 a, 1 s, -8

It's becoming increasingly clear that Hairston will not be on this team next year. Which is fine by me -- watching him play is not a pleasant experience, especially compared to the exhilarating Grindling Bros, TA & Born Ready.

... I know, I know, that was so bad. I'll show myself out.

Martin

B-

Jarell Martin: 21 min, 6 p, 2 r, 2 a, 2 s, 1 b, -2

Continues to look like he belongs on an NBA court. I hate that we have all these guys out, but I love that Martin is getting consistent playing time. Could be huge for the team going forward. Just wish Jordan Adams were getting the same.

Carter

C+

Vince Carter: 11 min, 5 p, 5 r, 1 a, 1 s, +9

Father Time may have caught up with VC last night. Knew that he couldn't keep playing that many minutes without his hip giving out or something.

Conley

RIP

Mike Conley

Adding to the Grizzlies graveyard. Get well soon, Mike.

Joerger

A

Head Coach Dave Joerger

I don't know how he's doing it, but CDJ has this rag tag bunch convinced that they should still be winning professional basketball games. This is the best coaching job he's done since he's been in Memphis. Maybe he has a background in improv we didn't know about?

Pierre

F

New Orleans Mascot Design Team

Seriously, these things will haunt you dreams.

King Cake Baby

Good luck sleeping tonight.