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Report Card: Game 1, Memphis Grizzlies vs. San Antonio Spurs

Grading out the individual performances in last night's 106-74 evisceration at the hands of the Spurs.

Eeyore

I'd already braced myself for this series to be a self-loathing exercise in futility and inevitability, but man...that was depressing.

To their credit, the Grizzlies played hard and actually hung in there during the first half. But then the Spurs' collective lightbulb went on and they remembered, "oh yeah, we're an unstoppable juggernaut playing a team of below-replacement level players, old fogeys, and 10 day contracts." And they beat us this badly while only playing one good half of basketball by their standards. It could get ugly. Yes, even uglier than it is now.

It's hard to watch. But I can't look away. I feel like the guy from a Clockwork Orange. And when you're comparing watching playoff basketball to Stanley Kubrick's magnum opus, you're gonna have a bad time.

Farmar

Poop Emoji

Jordan Farmar: 22 min, 6 p, 3 a, 2 r, 1 b, -7

A letter grade doesn't do Farmar justice. Among my least favorite Grizzlies ever. And it's generous to call him a Grizzly.

Carter

B+

Vince Carter: 19 min, 16 p, 3 r, 2 a, 1 b, -14

Attaboy, Vince. Kept us in the game for the first quarter and a half or so. Not that it made a difference, ultimately. Good for VC to be able to add this chapter to the ever-increasing chronicle that is his legacy.

Barnes

D-

Matt Barnes: 23 min, 2 p, 4 r, 1 a, -22

If your negative point differential is going to match your uniform number, you'd better be Penny Hardaway. Not Matt Barnes. Oy. Maybe it's Barnes showing his age, maybe it's a slump, or maybe it's revealing his true form, but he's been bad to close out this season. After leading the team in minutes during the regular season, I suspect that physical exhaustion has at least something to do with it.

Randolph

F

Zach Randolph: 28 min, 6 p, 5 r, 3 a, -28

The Spurs play Zach so smart, baiting him into seemingly "open" shots in the paint and then closing out hard to counter his lack of vertical explosion. Timmy and Aldridge are masters of it, and with time to plan against Z-Bo his bully ball is mostly neutralized. This ain't 2011 anymore, folks.

Andersen

D+

Chris Andersen: 17 min, 2 p, 9 r, 1 a, 1 s, 1 b, -14

Did a fair job cleaning up the boards, but hey...someone's gotta grab them? Not effectual in any real way, getting waxed by Aldridge and soaking up minutes that should be going to Jarell Martin or JaMychal Green. At least they'll be on the team next year.

Stephenson

C

Lance Stephenson: 29 min, 14 p, 2 r, 2 a, 1 s, -16

I don't know why, but this particular sequence gives me serious pause about signing Lance beyond this season. Seems indicative of him in a microcosm:

Weber

C-

Xavier Munford: 28 min, 4 p, 4 a, 1 r, 3 s, 1 b, -16

Good for Munford to get some exposure in the playoffs considering there's a chance he comes into next season competing with Andrew Harrison for the third point guard spot, but he's totally overmatched in this situation. Asking way, way too much of him.

Martin

C+

Jarell Martin: 23 min, 5 p, 4 r, 1 s, -6

At a certain point we're going to need to see more than just flashes from Martin but, hey...those flashes are promising. Dude can move.

Allen

INC.

Tony Allen: 21 min, 7 p, 3 r, 1 a, 1 b, -14

Tony's playing hurt. Can't judge his performance too harshly when he's grinding it out. Had this great moment with Vince, at least:

JaGreen

C-

JaMychal Green: 19 min, 7 p, 2 r, -21

Why, oh why, is Green playing the second fewest minutes on the team? He is a part of our long-term future. You cannot say that about Chris Andersen. Put his butt in the game. He hasn't looked great, but who on this roster is going to? Give him the reps.

Hairston

D-

P.J. Hairston: 12 min, 5 p, 1 s, -2

Go home, P.J. No one fails to fill up a box score (outside of FGA) quite like you.

Joerger

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Head Coach Dave Joerger

I mean... whatever. You can nitpick what Joerger is doing, but it's the difference between losing by 30 and losing by 40. At the end of the day, we just don't have the horses.

The more interesting conversation -- if Minnesota wants to give something up to lure Joerger, do the Grizzlies listen? If a first rounder is dangled out there as a sweetener, I suspect so. But that's wishful thinking.

Gasol

RIP

Marc Gasol: DNP

Jordan 2

Conley

HAGS

Mike Conley: DNP

Jordan 3