It's officially the offseason. No, the real offseason. The one where the draft is complete, free agency has mostly dried up, and Summer League is done. The basketball landscape is a barren wasteland, with nearly nothing to look forward to until the announcement of the official schedule. With such a dearth of activity going on, sometimes the mind wanders to other things, like internet memes.
Of course, the natural thing to do, in the current basketball-less climate, is to mix those meme thoughts with basketball thoughts. So, to that end, I enlisted the help of the greatest artist of our time, Flemdawg1Hunna (who you should definitely be following on Twitter), and the two of us have assembled a meme team for the ages. And so, without further adieu, I give you: The Meme-phis Grizzlies.
Mike Conley: Dat Boi
For those of you unfamiliar with this meme, allow me to explain: Dat Boi is a frog on a unicycle, and when people recognize him, they say, "O shit waddup." The origin story is a strange bunch of bits and pieces that somehow coalesced into a unicycle-riding frog which, quite recently, was one of the most popular memes on the web. I have no idea how this happened, but that's the world we live in.
Mike Conley is sort of like that. The perfect storm of timing and the free agent market combined to make Conley the player with the richest contract in NBA history (to this point), though a lot of people still aren't sure how. Mike Conley is: MAX BOI.
Marc Gasol: Super Cool Ski Instructor
Marc Gasol is 7'1" and weighs 265 pounds. Before last season, he signed a five year max contract. He also ended last season early due to a broken bone in his foot. Let's check the history of big men with foot injuries, and...
Tony Allen: Tony Allen Walking Through Things
Thanks to a timeout performance during a 2015 playoff game, Tony Allen already has his own meme (and a hashtag to go with it). The Memphis Flyer managed to assemble plenty of examples of this one. My favorite is below, but you can check out this link for plenty more where that came from.
Zach Randolph: Good Guy Greg
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Z-Bo originally purchased 300 tickets to Game 1 of the opening round series against Portland back in 2015. But when demand was high, he ended up purchasing another 200 tickets. Z-Bo distributed all 500 tickets to fans himself.
Chandler Parsons: Ryan Gosling "Hey Girl"
As soon as he signed his contract, Chandler Parsons became the team dreamboat. He's the basketball equivalent of Ryan Gosling, and he's already got every girl in Memphis swooning.
Also, if you're ever feeling down, just look at this meme and remember that Chandler thinks you're a slam dunk.
Jordan Adams: Crying Jordan
Poor Jordan Adams just can't stay healthy. Hopefully someday soon his knees will heal and we'll be able to turn this from a Crying Jordan into a Success Kid. But for now, we have Crying Jordan Adams.
Vince Carter: The Most Interesting Man in the World
Vince Carter is not young. He's been around the block. He's done some super cool things in his youth. But now, he's more of a wily veteran, a coach on the court, there to lend his experience to the team's younger players. He's Half Most Interesting Man, Half Amazing.
Brandan Wright: All the Things!
When Brandan Wright signed with the Grizzlies, our own Andrew Ford broke down Wright's biggest (read: only) offensive weapon: diving/rolling to the rim. He's incredibly athletic, and he uses that athleticism to get to the paint off a pick and roll. Once Brandan Wright is healthy, the Grizz will finally have the opportunity to let him DUNK ALL THE THINGS!
Jarell Martin: Bad Luck Brian
Thanks to the injury plague of 2016, Jarell Martin managed to get playing time as a rookie under a coach who was notorious for not playing his young players. Then his foot issue came back, and he was robbed of what could've been valuable playoff minutes.
Andrew Harrison: Caddyshack Carl
Apparently I am going to die cold and alone on Andrew Harrison Hill, because no one else believes in him. But hey, he got a contract, so it's not all bad!
Wade Baldwin: Captain Phillips
If Mike Conley goes down with an injury, Wade Baldwin is the point guard now.
Deyonta Davis: "I'm just here so I don't get fined"
On draft night, Deyonta Davis had the quote of the night.
Quote of the night from the NBA Draft: "I'm not really sure why I left, I was just told to by my people"— Shane Wissink (@S_wissink5) June 24, 2016
Thanks, Deyonta! This quote screams Marshawn Lynch. I hope Deyonta winds up being as awesome as Marshawn.
Lance Stephenson: Mr. Krabs
TFW your $9.5 million option gets declined and now no one will offer you a contract.
Ryan Hollins: Tyrone Biggums
Hollins' dealer has moved out west, and Hollins is fiending for another score.