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Phil Jackson should trade for Chandler Parsons!

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We have only his best interests in mind.

NBA: Detroit Pistons at New York Knicks Adam Hunger-USA TODAY Sports

Yes, the playoffs are starting soon, but in the wake of Friday’s exit interviews among teams that are bad and have already seen their season end (COULDN’T BE ME), there has been an important revelation. Phil Jackson is, for all intents and purposes, done with Carmelo Anthony.

On its face, this may not be the most important development for a Grizzlies fan blog. Carmelo is still a pretty good player, but he’s also Carmelo and that comes with all of the things it comes with, like ugly questions about the wholeness of his game and his likability in general. I think he’s kind of become a victim of his own reputation and that he’s a little better than people like to give him credit for, but the general point stands. The idea of trading for a soon-to-be 33 year old Carmelo Anthony isn’t getting anyone excited.

So I raise you this: Phil Jackson and Chandler Parsons.

(Go follow the homies at Fastbreak Breakfast, because they’re great.)

Phil, if you’re reading this, go straight to the end.

Now, I do want to carve out a little space for myself to say this — I’m in no rush to trade Parsons or use the stretch provision on his contract or anything else. This season was bad, and the whole injury deal makes me anxious. I still mess with the vision, and I would like to give Parsons an opportunity to get right.

There’s also the consideration that you’re unlikely to get anything of value back for Parsons, which goes right out the window with Phil Jackson. Jackson has quickly departed “11 rings trust me daddy,” passed well by “possibly unfortunate triangle offense zealot” and is running full-speed towards “exhausting poopbag getting in not only his own way but in the way of all those around him and still then some.”

He would love to trade for Chandler Parsons, to who I must apologize for sending to the Knicks in this scenario, but you’ll still be getting paid $72 million to live in New York for three more seasons. That can’t possibly begin to cover it, because Phil Jackson just got his contract picked up for two more seasons and it’s the Knicks, but you’ll at least be able to go to sleep at night knowing that you’re playing an instrumental role in driving Kristaps Porzingis out of New York when his contract expires in 2019. Do it for the collective good, Chandler.

Now, I’m well aware that our collective nightmares of Rudy Gay probably don’t make the idea of trading for Carmelo, who could be seen as very similar in a superficial way, all too alluring. Those concerns are also fair, because there are no guarantees of Carmelo fitting on this team as a complimentary player or at best an equal opportunist to Marc Gasol and Mike Conley in the offense. No, all you get is one of history’s better scoring talents and most recently a high-usage/decent-efficiency player at the cost of getting out of Parsons’ contract. I can’t see why you would want to bet what remains of Gasol and Conley’s best years on that.

Carmelo: Leave Phil. Join the Grizzlies. We’re a good time.


Hey, Phil! How’s it going? Rough, I imagine — people in the media can be so rude sometimes! It’s like winning 11 championships doesn’t even matter anymore. Must be the millennials’ attention spans. This microwave culture is just no good for us as a people, am I right?

Anyway, I’m writing to let you know that, in the wake of Carmelo Anthony being a big ol’ meanie about executing your triangle offense, which has won infinitely more championships than he has because you can’t multiply zero, you should consider trading him for Chandler Parsons! Now I know that you may be feeling some apprehensiveness about trading for a guy whose short-term prospects are very much in doubt due to his leg injury. That’s fair.

But Parsons was one of the league’s most versatile wings not too long ago! A top three-point shooter with great size, the ability to hold his own on defense, and best of all, someone who knows his role. His passing will fit seamlessly into your offense, just like his mindset will.

Phil, I think you should take this as an opportunity to buy low. Keep me in mind and thanks for the time.

Best,

Your friend Kevin

Follow @sbngrizzlies