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Dear Memphis Grizzlies: Hire this blogger to run your front office

With SI’s Lee Jenkins joining the Los Angeles Clippers’ front office, Memphis should up the ante by hiring a blogger.

NBA: Memphis Grizzlies-Press Conference Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

Sports Illustrated’s Lee Jenkins, arguably America’s finest basketball writer, or writer in all sports for that matter, has joined the Los Angeles Clippers front office. His official title will be the executive director of research and identity.

This news, coming from a report by ESPN’s Adrian Wojnarowski, came as quite the surprise when it broke. Writers and media members have joined NBA front offices before, (John Hollinger, formerly of ESPN and always the inventor of PER, is the Executive Vice President of the Grizzlies) but it still represents a refreshing hire when NBA teams can tend to keep things too safe on that end.

Lee Jenkins and John Hollinger are and were two of the most deserving members of the media to receive such an honor of working for an NBA front office. They established their credibility and gained a massive amount of respect over years and years of work. That’s why I ask, nay, I IMPLORE, that the Grizzlies stay one step ahead of the Clippers...and hire a blogger, yours truly more specifically, to the front office.

L.A. is just stealing the buzz from Memphis because they can’t clearly handle the being an inferior franchise. They had to go and steal our shtick too. Counter-acting with a SECOND member of the media (I use that phrase in the loosest possible term) to balance the perspective of the Grizzlies front office even further.

Let’s be honest here, the Memphis front office isn’t exactly a barn-storming organization dripping with success. General Manager Chris Wallace has made perplexing move after perplexing move, overshadowed by the fact the basketball team has won games in his tenure. Would it hurt to just give me a cushy job with an above-average office and offer advice once every two weeks and stay out of the way the rest of the time? It wouldn’t hurt me at least, especially if they give in to my ridiculously high salary demands.

What could a fan blogger provide to an NBA front office with an already set hierarchy? Hopefully a fresh voice who can ask others in the room if its really a good idea, to say I don’t know, hypothetically sign Luol Deng and Timofey Mosgov to $72 million and $64 million over four years each. Those contracts would never be handed out, of course. But sometimes a person who isn’t in the thick of things 24/7 can provide clearer insight.

Please give me a job, Memphis. I don’t care what the title is; If you want to put Executive Boo-Boo the Fool on the tag outside my office/cubicle I would graciously accept. But with me in the fold, you’ll be sure to have access to advice and suggestions like “why don’t you just sign Kevin Durant?” and “you should trade Marc Gasol for a top-5 pick” that you just couldn’t get anywhere else.

Not to mention, having a 22-year old in your front office promises to be a good liaison for your young stars such as Jaren Jackson Jr. and Jevon Carter. How can JJJ feel confident confiding in someone like Chris Wallace who might not even know all the words to “Mexico” by BlocBoy JB? He can’t, that’s how. Who better to monitor and help the millennials on the Grizzlies than a millennial?

Please ignore any and all other possible available millennials for this job, simply because I asked first.

NBA: Memphis Grizzlies-Press Conference
It’d be a reeeeeal shame if I were eventually on this press conference podium. A reeeeal shame.
Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

Do you need a nameless, faceless blame magnet to pin all the bad decisions on? I’m your guy. Tell the press I was the one who suggested and pushed for the Chandler Parsons max contract. Yes, I wasn’t technically “working there at the time” and “no one knows who I am”, but I am excellent at apologizing and being dumb enough publicly where the story is actually plausible.

To recap, I can provide the Grizzlies a fresh, new (by default) voice in the front office, a better connection with the youth of the NBA, and be an excellent fall guy for whatever disaster ensues. Lee Jenkins may provide the first of those characteristics, but I would hope an NBA team didn’t hire the best basketball writer in the nation to be able to pin their problems on him.

But you can do that with a blogger, Robert Pera. Specifically, THIS blogger, who has no shame or professional basketball experience. Consider this plea for a job as an olive branch between the vocal internet Grizzlies fans and the Memphis establishment. Help me help you help Memphis once again be on the frontier of front office innovation.

Follow @sbnGrizzlies