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Bring Back Chandler Parsons?

A satirical story starring Chris Wallace and Chandler Parsons.

NBA: Preseason-Memphis Grizzlies at Orlando Magic Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

It’s Wednesday night. General Manager Chris Wallace has just watched a familiar episode of the Memphis GrizzliesI don’t know if it’s on Netflix or anything, but you should binge-watch it if you have the chance. His team came out hot to start the game. The ball was whipping around, rookie Jevon Carter is playing well, and JaMychal Green threw down a thunderous yam on poor Ersan’s [least] favorite antagonist James Harden kept his short-handed team in the game.

Then, the second half came. The floodgates flew upon, washing the Grizzlies away from the game — a familiar theme for this Memphis Grizzlies season. Wallace’s two franchise pillars, Marc Gasol and Mike Conley, didn’t look like the basketball players he once knew. The loss of promising wings Kyle Anderson and Dillon Brooks to injury hampered this team and destroyed its depth.

Each team brought out their bench units. The buzzer sounded, and the Grizzlies suffered another demoralizing defeat, falling to the Rockets 114-92.

Sheesh. Different expectations, same results for Wallace.

Post game, he did what he knew what would be best for him. He turned on the Spotify playlist titled “Marvin’s Room / Sad Boi Tears,” went to the pantry and fridge to make the meanest, biggest, baddest bowl of cereal known to man, and watched highlights of the Memphis Grizzlies he once knew — the Grit ‘n’ Grind Grizzlies.

Z-Bo’s playoff domination. Marc Gasol’s nifty dimes and game-winner’s. Tony Allen’s First-Team All-Defense plays. Mike Conley’s clutch plays. Hell, he even watched Rudy Gay and Jeff Green highlights; he missed having wings that much.

Not even these actions could shake Wallace from this loss, as Marc Stein and Matt Moore had tweets that created his worst nightmare.

These tweets drove Wallace into a panic. He began to think about ...

  • The uncertainty of a Memphis Grizzlies team without Marc Gasol and Mike Conley.
  • Whether or not he can get rid of the pick owed to Boston before 2021.
  • An Anthony Davis-like tenure with Jaren Jackson Jr. where the team can’t escape mediocrity despite his MVP-level play.
  • The Casey Jacobsen and Marko Jaric era of Grizzly basketball — if you know, you know.

Before he made an impulse decision, Wallace decided it was time for bed.

Wallace crawled in bed and decided to sleep off this bad loss and this worry about the team’s cloudy future. However, he couldn’t sleep. The thoughts of James Hardens splashing 3’s, tangoing with helpless defenders, and drawing frustrating fouls danced in Wallace’s head — preventing him from entering a deep slumber.

Next thing Wallace knew, this Harden figure transformed into a totally different human. The beard was gone and diminished into a light-colored, well-kept stubble. His mohawk became a buzzcut. This human grew from 6’5” to 6’10”, and even his skin tone changed to some shade of tan. The jersey switched from 13 to 25.

It was Chandler Parsons.

This exact highlight video replayed in Wallace’s head as he was trying to sleep. After each 3, Parsons yelled “LET ME PLAY!” — an oddly-timed deja vu for the Grizzlies GM. After the 9th triple, Parsons screamed “GIVE ME A MOTHER****ING JERSEY” — again, deja vu for Wallace.

Once that last triple fell, Wallace stood up in his bed, heavily breathing and easing his way back into reality after this bad vision. He reached for his phone, and it was only 11:30 PM. Wallace unlocked his phone and did what he thought would be right:

Reach out to Chandler Parsons.

After this little disagreement, Wallace decided it’d be best to text him instead of call him.

[a text message conversation between Chris Wallace and Chandler Parsons]

Wallace: Hey, u up?

*read at 11:35 PM*

Wallace was disappointed, just glaring at this screen knowing there wasn’t much he could do to save this Gasol and Conley-led Grizz team. A few minutes later, three bubbles popped up.

Parsons: Ya

Parsons: What’s up?

Wallace: Look, we miss you.

Wallace: We’re without you, Kyle, and Dillon. This team needs something on the perimeter.

Wallace: Mike, Marc, and Jaren can’t do it alone. We may miss the playoffs again. It’s something I can’t afford.

Wallace: ***we, not I.

Parsons: Yeah, it’s really tough to see right now. I wanna be out there with the team and help them win. I know I can do it.

Wallace: I know you can too.

Wallace: Look.

Wallace: Please come back. We’ll let JB be in charge of managing your minutes and all that. We just need some sort of spark.

Parsons: ...

Parsons: Do I have to go to the Hustle?

Wallace: No Hustle trip! You can come back to the main roster and be in the rotation, if JB wishes! Just please come back. I don’t care if you sit down on defense, we just need your 3-point shooting!

*read at 12:05 AM*

*sent at 12:10 AM*

Parsons: Sure. See u Wednesday.

Wallace: See u Wednesday!!

Wallace was relieved, as he knows this is a “last resort” option to save this season and to forgo the inevitable “blow it up” rebuild one more year.

NBA: Atlanta Hawks at Memphis Grizzlies Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

As corny as all that was, it’s not going to happen. It’s unlikely to see the Grizzlies and Chandler Parsons come to agreement on his role on this team as long as his name is on the roster.

With Kyle Anderson and Dillon Brooks out of the lineup, do you have much to lose in trying to bring him back?

Parsons is not be a plus defender, but he might be able to space the floor, move the basketball, and hit open shots. That’s better than what they got on the wings right now.

If he’s saying he’s healthy, have him prove it on the main roster. Have him put his money where his mouth is for the 94,000,000th time. If he’s not healthy, then they can progress towards a buyout at the end of the season. Even though they’re open to trading him, they’re not getting anything remotely good in return, and they may have to give up an asset to get rid of him.

The season is going to shambles right now, as the playoffs are looking less and less likely by the night. It needs to be salvaged, if they want to make the playoffs once last time with Gasol and Conley. Why not try to see if Chandler Parsons can give you SOMETHING?


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